Hello, I will go by John Doe. I used to post comments on this blog (often as a soundboard) and formerly used the name Hans. I don’t want to use that name anymore for obvious reasons. (I chose it at random at first though.)
It all began when I took my first job, that my spiral into depression and anxiety began after struggling so much. I researched, lists of symptoms, and could find a limitation or discomfort caused by each one, I became obsessed with my ASD and kept discovering more and more, one thing after another explaining why I struggled with this, why I acted this way, why it was like this growing up, why for this, why for that.
I’ve been learning many lessons, and they’ve come as a big punch each time. This condition has left me needing to learn more, what comes so naturally for others didn’t for me. And I continue to modify myself. I still obsess, not a day goes by where I am not painfully reminded. I wake up and the feeling is there “I have autism, it won’t go away, and help isn’t on the way when it could be.”.
My first will be short, but the theme is that with ASD, too much has been decided already, so to quote a song “if you are already there, there is nowhere to go”.
There are many claims about what people on the spectrum believe, feel, or experience. In the professional world I have been told “this is what you really feel”. I have seen psychologists, all but one have never given validation or even acknowledged the very existence of my views. The methods were biased, and all have a theme of adhering to some narrative that has spread so far I can’t begin to give it a name or say who is responsible.
An example of being told “what I really think” is the accusation of self hatred if I share I want to not be autistic. It’s been judged (by who anyway?) that since a person’s autism is who they are, that any wish to not be on the spectrum is equal to self hatred. They’ve assumed a person must be their illness before deciding to hate it. (Do they ever ask a person’s own reasons?)
A reasoning like:
Autism is who the person is; not just part of them, but who they are->
If a person says he/she doesn’t want autism, they hate themselves.
I reason they, seeing it not as a disorder, unaware of the real challenges caused directly by it (which they like to blame on society or “comorbidites”, or can be comically oblivious to), cannot accept the simple train of thought for my reason:
These symptoms cause me problems and pain->
autism is the disorder responsible->
I do not wish to be autistic.
Quite a double standard, if a person is in a wheelchair, they are listened to.
The bigger picture is it is already written for you. This is just one example. I am sure even those here who are not autistic, who do scientific work, have to deal with prewritten so called truths which are merely claims. And what they have in common is it must fit with the “narrative” that has been established. Going something like:
Autism cannot be seen as a disorder or a bad thing->
Nothing bad could possibly be involved like birth complications or environment->
Your findings or any articles about them will be tucked away. Be lucky if even a dozen people ever read it, it won’t make it to any front page!
Quite another double standard, I see articles on bodily changes, maternal infection, and exposure to toxins for other disorders whether schizophrenia, Parkinson’s, or Alzheimers, and they are accepted.
Can any of you share what has already been decided for you?